I knew this guy, let’s say, for almost 4 years? But I just really got along with him since last year. We are in the same public service bureau in our foundation. At first, nothing’s special. He’s just an ordinary man with good appearance. However, as times goes by, and I knew him better day by day, this attraction feeling just wraps up my heart. I don’t know what he feels for me. But, what I do know for sure is that I fall for him.

This love just grows every day in me. Every times he texts me, my heart jumps. I am so happy that I always smile reading his messages. Even though his messages mostly asks me every things but feeling, I am still excited cos this is my opportunities to keep in touch with him. I will keep asking back as many questions as I have that he will send me more messages. When his messages never come, then I will text him first by asking any question to keep him responding me. Childish, huh? Well, that’s love. It can make me do wild things that never comes up on my mind before.

I have been keeping this feeling for months, almost a year. A few days ago, I couldn’t take it any longer. Keeping the love in your heart is as hurt as broken heart. So, I have to make up my mind. Do I want to keep this feeling from him forever and we are still close as friends? Or I just spill my feeling for him and take the consequences of it? Well, it hurts you know to decide the best thing to do. At the end, spilling the feeling wins the dispute. I gather my courage to tell him that I feel comfortable with him, I like him, I am in love with him.

And I did! I don’t know where I get my guts! But, hell yeah, I told him! I told him I like him. I told him that I feel comfy near him. I feel relieved afterwards even though I felt embarrassed and nervous waiting for his reply. It’s like that I spill my bomb on his face. Gods, what’s wrong with me? How dare I tell him! But, I couldn’t take it back. I have already said that. Whatever happened after this would be the risk that I should take.

Not long after that, came the reply. He said that he thanked me for my feeling for him, that he really appreciated what I feel for him, that he didn’t want to hurt me, but he only regards me as his sister. Oh, gosh. I know I was not ready to hear that. Anyway, I had to take it. Like it or not, that was the answer from him. Of course, I could not be mad at him. We couldn’t push love, rite? But, deeply inside, I am hurt. I could not resist to not sobbing. But, I know that I should be strong. Sometimes love does hurt. And it hurts me now so badly.

Anyway, I thanked him for his reply, for his kindness, for his still wanna be my friend. It means a lot to me. For the broken-heart lady, what he says really supports me, to keep loving, to keep smiling, to keep struggling for my love.

Thanks for you, my man. Now, you are not mine, but who knows, someday, you’re gonna be mine. 🙂